Christopher Michael, gay, gay poetry

Who Shall I be Today?

1
the snow on Mt San Jacinto melted
in the too-soon summer heat
snowing again today 8000 ft up
quickly melting, running to creeks
in Tahquitz Canyon
a freak storm in nearly summer
 
2
the snow in my loins has frozen
years of dry sexlessness
by choice, by nature’s design
feeling old, confused, grown into something obscure
while men my age run rampant
 
3
I look at men years my junior
men with no interest in me
I’ve chased young boys feigning friendship
for what I can do or buy them
only a clear look in the mirror laughs
girl who is that troubled queer reflected back?
where does a gay men of 70 fit in
this confusingly changing
constantly changing society?
 
4
what happens when you’re gay and
sex is no longer part of your life
caught between old queen and nonsexual
identity thinking I’m a has-been
what do gay men do after 70
when sex, men, boys are no longer
the centerfold of their lives?
 
5
a lifetime the observer
looking at the party from outside
voyeur, looking in windows, looking in lives
at the dancers and drinkers, the fuckers and
diners, watching, watching, never being inside
it is my nature to hide in the corner and
watch Cinderella’s ball thinking dare I attend
 
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