Christopher Michael, gay, gay poetry

from sorrow to serenity

Children’s Toys

wondering where children’s toys disappear
one day it’s your favorite drag-around
next day never seen again
do mommies and daddies decide when
Mr. Teddy bear is ready to go?
I really loved that huge brown bear
big as it was
I’d dress him in my father’s clothes
too big to drag around
then one day without warning he’s gone
seems like the story of my life

very destructive child
destructive then as now, only now
its brokenhearted relationships gone to shit
we lived on the 2nd floor
I’d take mechanical toys
didn’t matter whose they were
throw them down the stairs–
clocks, anything with moving parts
down and down and down until their
insides busted out like imaginary guts
other mom’s didn’t like this
I don’t recall
having any cool toys of my own
down, down, down the stairs

liked my sister’s dolls
liked to make them dresses
was this a sign?
dolls weren’t interesting
there was nothing
to do but make dresses
sit them down and stare at them
they in return would stare back
preparing for future drag queen
my own rainbow tour experience

my one major big-boy boy toy a huge Erector Set
could make Ferris wheels and cranes with cranks
add batteries endless hours of mechanical
fun and disassembling
boy toys were distracting
boys had not yet become a distraction
if I’d known them I coulda built a
dildo fucking machine replete with electric motor
I’d been a lot more fascinated with boy’s toys

hula hoops were mortal enemy, my
hips could swish but they couldn’t sway.


6 thoughts on “from sorrow to serenity

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