Christopher Michael, gay, gay poetry

A Small Prayer

A Small Prayer

I have been chastised into prayer, though I do
not believe in god, but what the hell, can it hurt
to ask, plea or bargain, I cannot change who he is
or what he shall to do others, only to set me free
and move forward with my life
if there be a god, I am still a doubter, but suppose
then petition I must, to leave me be, and set me free
he will be who he is, with or without me
was it love? I do not know, I believe it was
and it no longer matters
it is dead, as I am dead to him!

the gifts were expensive and my choice to give
I thought I could buy him or his affections
the jewelry, the flowers, the cards, all divined
the love songs and poems I sent with rigid
regularity, declaring my love in universal tomes
tones of lost love and countless love and
love in harmony, humor and song
inside his watch: brother, sister, son, daughter
all those things he was to me, I thought
hoped, wanted,

what he does next is none of my concern
what I do next is all of my concern
I cannot mourn that which never really was
nor loss for that which was never taken
nor sorrow I’ve cried over, now
handed to god to cleanse
go, my loving self, in perfect peace and
harmony, go with god, via con dios
look into the glowing future and not the
dark, dank, dismal past

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